I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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