dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
