i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just blew my weed a kiss
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
