saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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