its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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