Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
