I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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