I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
