if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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