omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
