Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize