he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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