I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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