i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
