I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
