i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
