y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
