what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
