oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
