Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
