I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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