You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize