New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
where are my eyebrows?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize