I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This house was built for laser tag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
