just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a search helicopter?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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