I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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