Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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