White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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