You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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