why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
