"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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