If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
