He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
