If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
