She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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