Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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