I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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