I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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