before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
