what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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