You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
