Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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