You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
