a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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