it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
