By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
