Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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