So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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