You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
vagina is talking i cant
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
