Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
