So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
