Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
