I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
