So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
