I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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