Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
