Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
