this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
