I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
