Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
