Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
