yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
