And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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