Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
