He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
