i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
