They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
