Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
