You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
