I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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