he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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