hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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