I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
