I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize