I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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