New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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