He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
