My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
